sudden recollections on a sleepy afternoon

I’m sitting in the area between the two main rooms that make up my office space. I came out of the main office room because I am still feeling a little flu-ish and the aircon in the room would make it worse.

Not to mention, I’m getting much more work done here coz I’m not chattering nonstop with my colleagues.

Suddenly while working, the breeze distracted me and I looked up out of the window to my left, and I saw the leaves and branches of the huge trees just ouside the building. We are on the second floor so the leaves are right in front of the window. I remembered the many times I had stepped out of the office to this window when a certain number would ring on my mobile phone. I would quickly grab the phone, make a quick exit and answer “assalamualaikum” and hear his voice “vaalaikumsalaam”. it would be enough to send my heart into somersaults. I would take my comfy position with elbows on the window pane, looking at the branches and leaves of the trees as we chatted about nothing. Updates on the day, sweet nothings, nonsense. Haha. And I never realised until today, that in all those conversations, my gaze would remain on the branches and leave of those trees.

I miss those daily pointless conversations.

Yesterday, we spoke. It was a nice conversation. Fun. We laughed. He attempted to maintain his cold, distant tone as long as possible. Here and there, threw out little hints and gave himself away deliberately. He told me he was eating prathas for breakfast, so I asked if he has gotten himself married recently to be having such yummy breakfast. He replied that not yet. So I told him to make sure he invites me when he does, ill be sure to turn up. and he laughed. i told him ill invite him to mine, and it wont take place without him. to which he replied through his laughter, Insyallah (Allah willing).

Words which come to mind are grace, class, integrity, dignity. He often impresses me with these qualities. I wonder if he thinks quite as well of me.

moving.

It’s scary to think about it. Possibly going back to Pakistan to do an MBA in LUMS, a very good college there, for two whole years.

It is crazy how much cheaper it would be to do it there. In Singapore, nothing is less than $26,000 a year. There just the tuition fees will cost me $17,000 for the entire 2-yr course. Plus it will be my chance to live in Pakistan for a while. Like I always wanted. But can I live there for tow whole years? Can I live without my family?

It is exciting. Challenging. But scary. Not to mention, LUMS is brilliant and full of brilliant students. Very competitive. Can I do it there?

I know I WANT to get an MBA. And I know I want to go into Human Resource Management. What about a graduate diploma in human resource management first, some work experience in the HR field, and THEN an MBA? Feels a bit like a waste of time, doesn’t it?

The Nanyang MBA costs $40,000 for one year. god.

My dad is encouraging me to go to LUMS in Lahore. My mom is asking how I will survive there alone, in the view of all my relatives, from the lifestyle im used to here in Singapore, my personality, my nature, my disposition. Even I am worried about it. But I feel the exposure to Pakistan would be good.

I’m still gathering information from people I know who graduated from LUMS.

By the way our new washrooms are WUNNERFUL. I love the shower capsule, in all its transparency haha ive always loved transparent doors for some weird reason.

lately ive found myself craving for a ‘passion’. or to have something in my life im good at, and enjoy doing, and can develop over time. doesnt have to be useful. just interesting to me. i love music. im thinking about my sitar classes which I abandoned halfway. And Im wondering whether I should switch to Singing, which I love. But I’mr ather embarrassed to go back to my ustad sahib and tell him “hey so sorry for abandoning the sitar classes halfway, but now I think I want to do Singing instead.”

I also have a deep undying love for poetry. Urdu poetry in specific. And Sufi qawwalis.