I ran after the authorities to approve her application. I ran after the school to admit her children immediately. I stayed at work late to prepare her applications, praying and hoping from the bottom of my heart that my reports would suffice in getting the approval.
Once in a while the thoughts would creep into my mind, how do I know that this time she won’t bail out … I pushed them out of my mind, wanting to believe in her. Wanting to help her children get the chance all children deserve.
My boss asked me, what makes me think this time she won’t bail out. I answered, “I don’t know, but she seems to really want it badly, and her employment can improve alot of things.”
I wanted to believe in her. I did believe in her.
Took her for orientation, filled up a million forms, images of her children enjoying school, playing with other children, learning new things, smiling, laughing, playing, were in my mind. They made me smile.
The night before, I pushed and pushed the authorities for the approval, a rushed appeal for a provisional approval. At 9pm, I got it. I was ecstatic. ”Now she can go and work, now the fights can stop, the problems can get better, her children can go to school.”
The next day, she did not turn up at the school. First day. I found out at 10pm. She did not call to tell me. She simply tried to ignore it, until I called.
“I overslept. I was sick. I was having a headache. Tomorrow I will definitely go.”
Sick. Headache. Sleep.
What am I supposed to say to my boss, what am I supposed to say to the school, what am i supposed ….
wait. why am i so upset?
did she upset my mental images. my expectations. did she let me down?
Now I am losing sleep over it. Will she turn up tomorrow?
This is the second admission im doing since I joined. First one bailed out last minute.
It is hard to stop myself from thinking, “Why did I bother?”
But it is even harder to stop the answer from coming, “Because she and her children are worth bothering for.”
and that is why you are doing what you’re doing. because you want to, because you can and because there are a very few people who will actually bother, and honestly, because the world needs the special few people like you. i really respect what you’re doing, love, because there are not many people who could do this with the same amount of zest. *hug*
=) well that makes it all better *hug* woman an outing is way overdue, no?